Amazing Advice from Shaykh Muqbil on the Upbringing and Nurturing of your Children
السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته
[Question:] We would like advice around nurturing children?[Answer:] All praise be to Allah and may the peace and blessings be upon the Messenger of Allah ﷺ to proceed.
The upbringing of children is from the important affairs and problematic.
for it being important that is because the child takes from whomsoever
he mixes with, if his father is a singer then he will not hear except
his father singing and if his father is a author then from the very
start he will will have a sheet of paper and pen drawing in a notebook
until he fills up the notebook.
We say it's like this, if his
father is a officer and you were to say to him: "What would you like to
be?" He will say "I would like to be a officer" and if his father is a
Scholar and you were to ask him "what would you like to be?" he would
say "I would like to be a Scholar" this is in his childhood before he
begins to mingle in the streets.
Then after that you have the story of Luqman, and in it is guidance for the children
my son! Aqim-is-Salat (perform As-Salat), enjoin (people) for Al-Ma’ruf
(Islamic Monotheism and all that is good), and forbid (people) from
Al-Munkar (i.e. disbelief in the Oneness of Allah, polytheism of all
kinds and all that is evil and bad), and bear with patience whatever
befalls you. Verily!"
These are some of the important commandments ordered by Allah with no exemption.
Bukhaari and Muslim, the Hadeeth of Abu Hurayrah who narrated on the
Prophet ﷺ he said (The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Every child is born upon a
natural disposition (i.e. to worship none but Allah Alone) and his
parents convert him to Judaism or Christianity or Magianism (Fire
Worshipping), as an animal delivers a perfect baby animal. Do you find
And in Saheeh Muslim the Prophet ﷺ said narrating on his lord ﷻ
have created all of My servants naturally inclined to worship one God
but it is the devils who turn them away from their religion;"
It is binding upon one to be cautious of evil companions for your son and your daughter
(remember) the Day when the Zalim (wrong-doer, oppressor, polytheist,
etc.) will bite at his hands, he will say: "Oh! Would that I had taken a
path with the Messenger ( Muhammad ﷺ. Ah! Woe to me! Would that I had
never taken so-and-so as a friend! "He indeed led me astray from the
Reminder (this Qur'an) after it had come to me. And Shaitan (Satan) is
ever a deserter to man in the hour of need.”
affair of sitting with the people of goodness aids the person himself
and his children, in Bukhari and Muslim on the authority of Abi Musa رضي
الله عنه "The example of a good pious companion and an evil one is that
of a person carrying musk and another blowing a pair of bellows. The
one who is carrying musk will either give you some perfume as a present,
or you will buy some from him, or you will get a good smell from him,
but the one who is blowing a pair of bellows will either burn your
clothes or you will get a bad smell from him."
Perhaps a child will not return from the streets except with foul speech.
teaching the children is exhausting, you (might) beat him severely yet
he forgets quickly and returns to playing just like he was (before his
It is a problem from the many problems but it is
OBLIGATORY upon an individual to give importance to the upbringing of
I feel remorseful for many people, you will find one
going from masjid to masjid city to city, not caring about the
upbringing of his children, he leaves his child until his mustache
appears then he begins to clash with him at that time. It's obligatory
to to give it importance from the very beginning and strive in keeping
company with the righteous.
enjoin As-Salat (the prayer) on your family, and be patient in offering
them [i.e. the Salat (prayers)]. We ask not of you a provision (i.e. to
give Us something: money, etc.); We provide for you. And the good end
(i.e. Paradise) is for the Muttaqun (pious)
is obligatory for you to take the responsibility of nurturing your
children and that you set aside for them time, and that you are good to
them and that you better your manners, you play with them sometimes and
show them affection and this is something very important, perhaps the
enemies of al-Islam may show them affection and take them from a persons
Like this you remove them from evil companions Allah ﷻ says in the Qur’an
they will turn to one another, mutually questioning. A speaker of them
will say: "Verily, I had a companion (in the world), Who used to say:
"Are you among those who believe (in resurrection after death). "(That)
when we die and become dust and bones, shall we indeed (be raised up) to
receive reward or punishment (according to our deeds)?” (The man) said:
"Will you look down?” So he looked down and saw him in the midst of the
in the middle of the Hell Fire, a righteous man said "He said: "By
Allah! You have nearly ruined me.” (as-Saffaat-56) you have nearly
destroyed me with you “"Had it not been for the Grace of my Lord, I
would certainly have been among those brought forth (to Hell).”
"Friends on that Day will be foes one to another except Al-Muttaqun (pious)”
is obligatory to stay away and for your children to stay away from evil
companions because they will busy an individual (with evil things) and
enter doubts upon him, and Allah's aid is sought.
Then after that
you occupy your son with good, either by memorizing the Qur'an, and if
he attends school then either by occupy him with something from the
short Ahadeeth like "The best of you are those who learn the Qur'an then
teach it" (Bukhaari on the authority of Uthmaan) or the likes of when a
man said "O Messenger of Allah advise me "he said "Do not get angry"
(Muslim on the authority of Abu Hurayrah) also like "The worldly life is
a prison for the believer and paradise for the disbeliever" (Muslim on
the authority of Abu Hurayrah) like this, short narrations will aid a
person in his memorization.
In the very beginning we use to have about ONE HUNDRED students and ONE teacher. What did he use to do? Busy them like this:
children write the Hadeeth" The Dunyah is a prison for the believer and
paradise for the disbeliever and after they write it (and then the
teacher says) "Who mesmerized the Hadeeth?" They stand up up saying I
memorized it! I memorized it! The children stand, the Hadeeth is still
visible in their minds (from writing it).
Indeed we are responsible for them in front of Allah
you who believe! Ward off from yourselves and your families a Fire
(Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are (appointed) angels
stern (and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the Commands they
receive from Allah, but do that which they are commanded.”
is obligatory upon the Mother, the Father and the family to cooperate
in upbringing all of their children. The righteous Mother is preparing
and aiding you and disburdening you when you are preoccupied from
teaching your child, she is teaching and cultivating him.
where do you choose the Ahadeeth (Narrations)? From Kitaab ul-Adab from
Saheeh al-Bukhaari and Kitaab ul-Adab from Sunan Abi Dawud and something
amazing from Kitab ul-Adab from Sunan Abi Dawud and like this, Adab
al-Mufrad from Sahih ul-Bukhaari and Lu' Lu' wal-Marjaan, a person
should choose from them narrations which are befitting for the family
and after this it is not befitting that we deprive the women and girls
and make them as some of the tribes do, having no care for her (Islamic
education and upbringing) rather it is obligatory that we fear Allah
regarding her and cultivate her and do well in choosing a righteous
husband for her.
I ask Allah to give us the ability to do that which he likes and is pleased with.