Friday, March 19, 2010

The Manner in Which We Speak to Children

Assalamu alaikum,

Allah says in the Quran:

وَلَمَن صَبَرَ وَغَفَرَ إِنَّ ذَ‌ٰلِكَ لَمِنْ عَزْمِ الْأُمُورِ
{And verily, whosoever shows patience and forgives, that would truly be from the things recommended by Allah.}Surah Ash-Shura, ayah 43


وَالْكَاظِمِينَ الْغَيْظَ وَالْعَافِينَ عَنِ النَّاسِ ۗ وَاللَّهُ يُحِبُّ الْمُحْسِنِينَ
{who repress anger , and who pardon men; verily, Allah loves Al-Muhsinun (the good-doers).}
Surah Ali-Imran, ayah 134

and it is reported in Sahih al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim,
that the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa salam) said, "Allah is Kind and loves kindness in all matters.
It is also related in Sahih Muslim that the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa salam) said  He who is deprived of kindness and gentleness is, in fact, deprived of all good.

And again in Sahih al-Bukhari, it is reported that a man asked the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa salam) to give him some counsel, and he (sallallahu alayhi wa salam) said, "Do not become angry." The man repeated that several times and he  replied (every time), "Do not become angry."

Taking both the Divine Words of Allah and the truthful speech of His Last Messenger to mankind, I have often pondered over the way in which we interact with our children. They are weak and innocent and beautiful masha'Allah. During my web meanderings, I came upon this poem that I think speaks volumes about the importance of the way we speak and interact with children and the impact we leave subhana'Allah:

Tone of Voice

It's not so much what you say,

as the manner in which you say it;

It's not so much the language you use,

as the tone in which you convey it.

"Come here", I sharply said,

And the child cowered and wept.

"Come here", I said he looked and smiled,

And straight to my lap he crept.

Words may be mild and fair,

But the tone may pierce like a dart;

Words may be soft as the summer air,

But the tone may break my heart;

For words come from the mind

Grow by study and art,

But tone leaps from the inner self,

Revealing the state of heart.

Whether you know it or not,

Whether you mean or care,

Gentleness, kindness, love and hate,

Envy, anger are there.

Then, would you quarrels avoid

and peace and love rejoice?

Keep anger not only out of your words,

Keep it out of your voice.

`Author Unknown`

Enjoy (and reflect) insha'Allah!


  1. Salaam alaikum sister,

    This is so true! Sadly, I've discovered this quite late... I realized one day that my little daughter had a very bossy tone whenever she was talking to her little sister. I've told her off on a number of occasion only for my husband to turn around and say "don't tell her off because she's being harsh, that's how you speak to her when you are angry". Oh the shame that followed. There was no way I would ever talk like that, right? That was a real eye opener. I try to moderate myself whenever I get angry now. Not always easy but hey, little ones are real copycat ain't they.

  2. Waalaikum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

    Dear sis Maz, ooh you've been missed (smile). I was so happy to see your comment - barak Allahu feki for sharing this. Subhana'Allah, you are so right. Often we do not realize how we talk to children until we see them displaying a behaviour that we do not like and are shocked to learn that they learned it from us. Eek! As you said, the shame that follows and the guilt subhana'Allah.

    It is not always easy with little ones you are right but as you said we must continue to try insha'Allah.

    Jazakillahu Khayr dear sis and may Allah make it easy for us to show patience toward the amanaat, in this case our children, that He has given us walhamdulillah.


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